The Art of Human Connection
After reading New York Times columnist David Brooks’
book, I got the sense he must have spent thousands of hours in therapy trying
to understand himself and his relationships with those close to him. In writing
this book Brooks talked to many psychologists, psychiatrists and
neuroscientists searching to understand how deep human connections are made.
Further he reinforces the science with a host of very human anecdotes.
To Brooks there are two broad types of people. “Diminishers”
who are self-centered who don’t disclose much about themselves and don’t really
want to know about the people they meet. Their polar opposite is a much smaller
group of people who Brooks calls “Illuminators.” Those people are willing to
open up their lives to other people and are truly interested in the people they
meet. These folks are the story-telling animals that my friend and colleague Ed
Leamer writes about. According to Leamer, humans are story-telling animals, but
somehow in today’s fast paced society we don’t slow down enough to tell and
more importantly to listen. As the old adage goes, you can learn more by
listening than speaking.
The goal is to avoid making ourselves invisible to
others while at the same time removing the invisibility from them. The sub-head
to the book’s title is “The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen”
is the message of the book.
Brooks doesn’t talk much of himself until the very end
of the book. My sense is that he should have started with his own personal
issues in the beginning. To quote Polonius in Shakespeare’s “Hamlet,” “This
above all: to thine own self be true.” To me in order to be seen deeply you
have see yourself deeply as well.
Brooks has written an important book on how we can get along better with our neighbors, colleagues, and yes, strangers. That in turn will make it easier to heal the divisions in our society.
For the full Amazon URL see: The Art of Human Connection (amazon.com)
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